With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
