He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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