you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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