my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize