Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You ate ashes out of my bong
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
