using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
