Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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