that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
