He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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