Need sex. Gaining weight.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
