if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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