You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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