very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
