sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
