he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
