i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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