and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You are the jesus of drinking
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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