The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
