my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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