I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
