So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
