I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
