I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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