Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
