I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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