the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
