She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
