I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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