I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
