I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
