I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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