im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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