Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
