last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
