Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
