I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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