I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
