PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
