I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize