There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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