It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
