Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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