shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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