She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
