burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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