She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
