K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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