i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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