Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
