Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
