I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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