ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We left the knife in your bed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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