Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
