At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
A bitchslap is in order.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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