i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
