I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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