Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
