Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
