I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
