she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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