I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
