I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
