also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
