There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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