I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize