YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
