Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
