My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize