She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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