I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
only you would photoshop your dick
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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