I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
