Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
