I am in a vortex of obligation.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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