You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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