be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
