I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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