In the future we'll all be gay
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
