every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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