just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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