I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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