I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
smell my finger.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
