I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
