This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
