***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize