The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
