I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
