I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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