Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
