jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
