Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
