btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sext me about skeletons
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
