In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
