I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
