i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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