i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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