Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
