Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
