Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i barfeds in our rink
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
