I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
